to the way things were.
i can feel it sneaking up on me - anxiety's fingers on my throat, loneliness's weight on my heart. i was always so sad, then. so afraid to make a wrong move that i didn't move at all, or do much of anything. i hid alone where it was safe. a life of mere existence. i just wanted time to go by quickly, so i could clearly see the end.
a long year later, i moved past that. i found friends and confidence, true laughs and jokes without forced smiles. people finally accepted me, and i'm so so grateful.
i've been living in sunshine instead of darkness, drinking life in at every possible second.i smile easily now too, and my fears and insecurities have been leaving me alone. i'm the way i was before the move; if possible, i really am myself.
but too much time alone in my head makes me wonder. casual thoughts that lead to deep worries, problems i thought i'd buried resurfacing through time's shifting sands.
and just when i thought if found myself, God whispers that i should've been seeking Him all along.
it's a scary thing, being out of control. isn't it?
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