i used to crave routine, the single constants under waves of emotions. now, i just want change. to reach beyond my usual, to drive without a destination, to eat without planning my next meal, to love without wondering if they love me back. different tastes, different scenery. to be a different person, i suppose, because the one i am now doesn’t seem worthy. the problem is, i’m afraid to leave, because this is finally my home. and how do you run from yourself? i want different without being uncomfortable; i want different in a controlled environment. my desires are so impossible they are laughable. ridiculous. and the fact that i even give them consideration scares me most of all.